In independent writing we had to use our senses and descriptive language features to recount the experience of the person in the video below. Read Kalani's description of riding the rollercoaster.
I took a deep breath as the ride took off. The rollercoaster started off as slow as an old man trying to cross the road, but as we crept up the ride picked up it’s speed. “YEAH BABY!!” I exclaimed as I leaned back. The ride was nearly at the top. The terrifying clicking noises from the tracks made me even MORE scared, like it wasn’t stable. ‘Now I regret doing this’ I said in my head as butterflies filled up my stomach. All the other kiddy rides looked a lot ‘calmer’ than this one . After a few seconds of waiting with fear, we were suddenly at the top! I could already hear teenage girls getting ready to scream. “OH MY LOORRDD!!” I shouted, trying to calm myself down. The ride was REALLY tall, so tall I could nearly touch the sky! Terrifying twists, and turns patiently awaited.
“HERE WE GOOO!”. Before my eyes, we were spinning right into action! “OH MY LOORRDD!!!” I shouted once again. I was nearly deafened by the screams of horror coming from a group of girls behind me. Blood rushed to my head as we went around a loop. The sudden twists, turns and steep hills made me kinda lose my appetite. I wasn’t quite psyched about going round the other bright yellow tracks. There was still quite a long way until the end. After minutes of screaming, shouting, and losing appetites, the horrifying experience was OVER! ‘Phew,I wouldn’t want to experience that again!’ I said as I shivered.
What a cool piece of writing. This text made me feel like I was right there. I love the "Terrifying twists, and turns patiently awaited" part. Thank you for sharing - Mrs Bhimy
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your piece of writing. It painted a great picture in my mind. I like your use of speech especially the "Oh my lord" parts and I felt as if I was on the roller coaster with you.
ReplyDelete-Amanda D'Souza Waikowhai Intermediate (Room 3)
I loved the oh my lord writing piece, it was descriptive. :) *_*
ReplyDeleteWow what a great story! very discripteve and exciting.You used such great describing words and similies. i really liked how you used alot of interesting ajectives in the sentances Blood rushed to my head as we went around a loop. The sudden twists, turns and steep hills made me kinda lose my appetite. You did a great job writng this. :)
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading the metaphors you used, personal voice and describing words! I also loved the part about losing appetites!;) Nice writing!
ReplyDeleteHannah, Waikowhai Intermediate
I really liked how you linked the Roller-coaster ride to your actual writing. Nice text. - Zane, Waikowhai intermediate (Room 3)
ReplyDeleteI loved it :)
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the descriptive adjectives you used in this piece of writing!
ReplyDeleteI especially liked the part when you wrote "The ride was REALLY tall, so tall I could nearly touch the sky!"
Really good job overall :) :) :)
Hi. I really liked your roller coaster writing. The best part was when you related an old man to how slow the ride was going.
ReplyDelete-Claudia, Waikowhai Intermediate, Room 3
I love reading your work, it was so funny. I liked the part in your writing when you wrote 'After minutes of screaming shouting and losing my appetites'
ReplyDelete-Mia Room 3 waikowhai intermediate
I really enjoyed reading your story. You used a good mixture of adjectives and verbs. I like the metaphor that you used ''so tall I could nearly touch the sky''. Excellent work! Shivani@wai-int.
ReplyDeleteGood job. I really enjoyed your worked especially because you made it very descriptive. I also liked the part where you said "OH MY LORD" i found that really funny. Excellent work
ReplyDeleteThis is an amazing piece! You have used some lovely descriptive language - it painted a clear picture in my head. I also like your choice of speech, it really enhances the mood.
ReplyDelete-Ella, Waikowhai Intermediate (Room 3)
I loved this story, the use of descriptive words in this is really, really good! My favourite sentence was when you wrote 'After minutes of screaming, shouting, and losing appetites, the horrifying experience was OVER!' After reading your writing, I can easily imagine how scary that ride would be!
ReplyDeleteNICE JOB!!!
:)
- Maddy, Room 3, Waikowhai Int.
I really enjoyed reading your story. You used a good mixture of adjectives and verbs. I like the metaphor that you used ''so tall I could nearly touch the sky''. Excellent work! Shivani@wai
ReplyDeleteWow what a great story! you used great discripteve words.I loved the sentences:Blood rushed to my head as we went around a loop. The sudden twists, turns and steep hills made me kinda lose my appetite.You did a great job writing this piece. :)
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your piece of writing. It painted a great picture in my mind. I like your use of speech especially the "Oh my lord" parts and I felt as if I was on the roller coaster with you.
ReplyDelete-Amanda D'Souza Waikowhai Intermediate (Room 3)
I thought your piece on the roller coaster was interesting as you used similes like the as slow as an old man. I found the piece as very descriptive and showed the event very well. It made the event more exciting. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDelete:) -Xiaojian, Waikowhai Intermediate(Room 3)
I really enjoyed the metaphors you used, and the personal voice! The describing words made me feel like I was part of the story and I loved the part about losing appetites! Nice Writing! ;)
ReplyDeleteHannah@Wai
Good job. I really enjoyed your worked especially because you made it very descriptive. I also liked the part where you said "OH MY LORD" i found that really funny. Excellent work! Rana, Waikowhai intermediate, Room3
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you linked the Roller-coaster ride into your actual writing. Well done. - Zane, Waikowhai Intermediate (Room 3)
ReplyDeleteI loved reading writing keep up the good work . Loved the part when it said screaming shouting , and losing my appetites
ReplyDelete-Mia Room 3 Waikowhai Int
This is an amazing piece! I love your descriptive language - it painted a clear picture in my head. I also like your choice of speech, it really enhances the mood.
ReplyDelete-Ella, Waikowhai Intermediate (Room 3)
I really enjoyed this piece of writing! Your use of descriptive words is awesome! My favourite sentence was when you wrote 'The roller coaster started off as slow as an old man trying to cross the road, but as we crept up the ride picked up it’s speed' I can imagine how scary that ride would be!
ReplyDeleteNICE JOB!
:)
- Maddy, Room 3, Waikowhai Int.
I love the expression in your writing you explained everything like the reader was right there d:D - Cameron Rm 3 Waikowhai Int
ReplyDeleteWOW!! I like your amazing writing, you made me fell like I was there on that scary Roller Coaster. You should show me how to write like that keep it up - Pesalili.M Waikowhai Int ( Room 3 )
ReplyDelete